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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27757120">La douleur exquise</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuerno/pseuds/Cuerno'>Cuerno</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, How do i tag pls help, Light Angst, M/M, Phrase Prompt, Pining, dreamnap</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:29:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27757120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuerno/pseuds/Cuerno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sapnap has grown feelings for Dream, however he doesn't believe Dream feels the same way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>299</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Pt.1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My first fic on here so i do not understand the tags mmmm<br/>The fic uses the online personas of the people in the fic, just set in irl</p><p>Update - there will be at least one more chapter to this</p><p>E n j o y<br/>- Cuerno</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>La douleur exquise (n.) </strong> <em>French</em></p><p>
  <em>the heart-wrenching pain of wanting affection of someone unattainable</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p>The fan of the computer whirred gently in the background of Sapnap's stream, attempting to cool itself down from the extensive gameplay and hours of streaming. Sapnap had been streaming with his friends for a few hours, generally playing minecraft mixed in with a few breaks.</p><p>It wasn't anything new, just mainly DreamSMP gameplay and chilling. Sapnap was soon going to end his stream. The hot Texan summer making his room become uncomfortable for him to continue, even with the help of an air conditioner. He was desparately wanting a nice, ice cold shower.</p><p>The heat wasn't the only thing making Sapnap want to leave quickly. The flirting and jokes between his two closest friends, Dream and George, was beginning to get to him. It began to irritate him ever so slightly. He knew they just did it for content and to satisfy the audience. The thought however, didn't help to calm the jealously inside him.</p><p>He knew he could use the heat as an excuse to his fans and his friends, who were beginning to notice the discomfort in his voice.</p><p>"Alright guys, im gonna head off. This heat is becoming unbearable for me".</p><p>He said his goodbyes to the stream and his friends and logged off the server, ending the stream too.</p><p>Sapnap laid back in his chair, now sticking to his skin from sweat. He rested his hands over his face and let out a disgruntled groan. He let gravity force his arms back down to his sides as he continued to stare at his ceiling.</p><p>'<em>Every. Single. Stream</em>' he sighed.</p><p>It wasn't unusual for Dream and George to flirt on streams. It however <em>was</em> unusual for Sapnap to become increasingly jealous at their close bond, especially recently.</p><p>Sapnap wasn't going to deny it anymore. He had developed strong romantic feelings for his best friend, Dream. Sapnap could remember when he first noticed the strange, new and unusual feelings. He could remember the countless times when he got excited at the sound of Dream joining a call. He could remember staying awake, late at night, thinking constantly of him. Thinking about his voice, his golden hair and freckles on his face, his dumb laugh. He even could remember some of the dreams he had, some of which he enjoyed and others that he didn't.</p><p>The feelings Sapnap had for Dream still hadn't left after a couple of months, instead they got more intense. So intense that Sapnap had to suddenly leave calls and streams just so he could give himself that desperate relief he craved. Of course, with these new feelings, came jealously. He wasn't particularly mad at Dream and George themselves, it was more of the way they acted. All of the flirting was getting to Sapnap. He wanted to do that with Dream. He wanted to have the same reaction from the audience, the same reactions to 'Dreamnotfound' content. All Sapnap wanted was to gain some form of affection from Dream.</p><p>The desires and need to have some affection from Dream was another feeling that grew in intensity. Sapnap was already touch-starved enough, he didn't want to have a longing to add to the pain.</p><p>The sound of the air conditioner breaking down brought Sapnap out of his thoughts.</p><p>'<em>Great. Just what I need in this heat'</em></p><p>Sapnap stood up from his sticky, hot chair. He went over to the air conditioner to see the damage. It seemed something inside may have broken the unit. Sapnap sighed heavily as he went online to find a repairer. Sapnap found a guy who seemed good enough to do the job, gave him a call, and went off for a shower. The repairer wouldn't be available for a few days, so Sapnap would have to bring out a old desk fan.</p><p>Sapnap went into his bathroom and turned on the shower to complete cold. He slowly stepped in, allowing for his body to adjust to the different temperature. Eventually he was under the high pressure water completely. Sapnap stood in the refreshing water, he let the water wash away his pain and frustrations too. Sapnap stayed in there for what felt like hours, just standing under the stream. Eventually he got out of the shower, covering himself in a white towel, drying himself off.</p><p>He changed back into his clothes and walked back to his room, still attempting to dry his inky black hair. He glanced over to his computer to see a discord notification. He scrunched his face up in confusion. George didn't usually message him and it was late at night so Dream shouldn't be awake, but then again, it's Dream.</p><p>With some slight suprise to Sapnap, the message was in fact from Dream.</p><p>
  <em>Hey Sappy, you awake?</em>
</p><p>Sapnap blushed slightly at the nickname, it wasn't a new name from Dream but recently he found it endearing.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah im awake, i was having a shower</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh cool, was it good?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Definitely, especially with the heat and my air con breaking down</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rip, hope that gets fixed soon :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thanks</em>
</p><p>Sapnap felt the tug of curiosity at the back of his brain, he wanted to know why Dream wanted to talk. It couldn't just be about his air con. Sapnap typed out the message and hesitated slightly, eventually he forced himself to send it.</p><p>
  <em>Was there something you wanted to talk about?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, not really ig</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Just seeing if you're okay dude, you seemed pretty frustrated during stream</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, im fine, just the heat</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Was the air con that bad?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah its pretty shit ngl</em>
</p><p>Dream had stopped messaging, so Sapnap went off to find a hair brush.</p><p>
  <em>Sapnap are you sure that its just the heat?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I can tell theres something else</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sapnap?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sappy helloooo?</em>
</p><p>Sapnap came back to find some spamming from Dream.</p><p>
  <em>Sorry i went off to brush my hair</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thats fine, thought you went to sleep for a second</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Anyway, as i said before</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Are you sure its just the heat?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah it is, sorry if i seemed a bit angry during stream</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mkay</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Well</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Talk soon</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bye</em>
</p><p>Sapnap closed discord and turned off his computer. He laid himself over his sheets, it became too hot to even have any sheets over himself. Sapnap closed his eyes, wanting to sleep but couldn't. The thoughts of the stream and Dream's messages kept him awake.</p><p>
  <em>'The messages..'</em>
</p><p>Sapnap felt panic rise in his chest, constricting his throat slightly.</p><p>Was Dream beginning to suspect something? Did he know of Sapnap's true feelings for him? Did the rest of his friends know something was up?</p><p>The thoughts and questions swirled around in his head, preventing Sapnap from reaching any peace and rest. Eventually he found his headphones and played a playlist on shuffle, hopefully to drown out his thoughts. Soon enough, Sapnap dozed off into a gentle sleep.</p><p> </p><p>The morning sun shone brightly through his blinds, hitting Sapnap's eyes causing discomfort. Sapnap slowly opened his eyes, rubbing them to awaken them more. His entire body was feeling all sticky from his sweat. The heat still hadn't left. His headphones laid at an odd angle on his head, the music was no more. Sapnap stood up slowly, wobbling slightly, trying to regain balance. He took his headphones off and laid them on the desk. Sapnap yawned gently as he turned his computer on, letting it warm up before he used it. While waiting he brushed his tangled hair, changed his clothes into something that smelled fresher and got some breakfast.</p><p>He ate at his computer, going through twitter, then making his way to discord. He noticed that a few people were in a call on the DreamSMP server. Sapnap joined the call.</p><p>The moment he joined, his headphones blasted the sound of Tommy and Tubbo screaming with Quackity saying something in Spanish.</p><p>"OH, HELLO SAPNAP!" Tommy shouted into his microphone.</p><p>"Hey guys, whats up?"</p><p>"Nothing much, we're just building and chilling on stream", Tubbo replied</p><p>"Oh you guys are streaming?"</p><p>"Yeah" they all said in unison.</p><p>"Actually, Dream was hoping you were online earlier" Tubbo perked up</p><p>"Really? Why?"</p><p>"I dunno, he just said for us to pass on the message"</p><p>"M'kay thanks guys"</p><p>Sapnap disconnected from the call and went to Dream's icon to call him. The calling sound rang and rang, eventually Dream picked up.</p><p>"Hey Sapnap" Dream said cheerfully</p><p>"Hey Dream" Sapnap said a little more raspy than he liked</p><p>"Oh, did you just wake up?"</p><p>"Yeah, but im good.. Tubbo mentioned you were looking for me?"</p><p>"Oh yeah.. Just wanted to talk"</p><p>"Alright, so then.. What's up?"</p><p>"Nothing much really, I was thinking of streaming later... Wanna join?</p><p>"..Is George gonna join?"</p><p>"Nah just you and me this time"</p><p>"Alright, just gimme a second then"</p><p>Dream began to start his stream while waiting for Sapnap to begin his. Sapnap was slightly taken a-back by Dream's stream offer, the two of them rarely streamed together alone.</p><p>'<em>Together.. Alone.. Just us two'</em> Sapnap thought, he felt some excitement bubble up from deep down inside him. A stream with just him and Dream was all he could ever ask for at the moment. He began his stream, welcoming everyone with a lot more excitement visible in his voice. It was, in fact, a little too much excitement as it caught the attention of his viewers. Dream also caught onto it.</p><p>"Why so excited Sappy?", Sapnap tried to ignore the nickname. He could tell that there was smugness in his voice. He has listened to Dream's voice for years, so he should be able to tell.</p><p>"Whattt, can't I be happy to stream with you?"</p><p>The two men began to play on the SMP, doing really whatever they felt like. Now and then some others would join the call, but not very long. Sapnap was finally able to have a whole stream with Dream all to himself. It sounded selfish in his head, but it did make him feel a lot more happier than yesterday. Sapnap even felt confident enough to try out some of the jokingly flirts with Dream. Dream responded back with the same amount of enthusiasm, happy that his friend was happy.</p><p>They were going to end their streams soon, however George decided to show up, delaying the end. As expected, the duo began their flirty remarks as the streams continued. Once again the jealously came back to Sapnap. Once again he ended the stream, blaming the heat again for his frustration and anger. However this time, Dream prevented him from leaving the call.</p><p>"Sapnap, don't leave the call" Dream demanded.</p><p>Sapnap stayed. He knew he didn't have to, what could Dream do to him if he left anyway? But something stopped Sapnap from pressing the disconnect button.</p><p>"Sapnap, you've been acting strange lately.. You have me worried" his voice was full of concern.</p><p>"I'm fine Dream, you don't have to worry" Sapnap replied with an artificial happiness and calm to it.</p><p>"<em>Oh come on now</em>, I can tell there's something going on"</p><p>"Please talk to me about it. At least after the stream" Dream pleaded to Sapnap</p><p>"Look Dream, it's-"</p><p>"No Sapnap, talk to me... Please Sappy"</p><p>Sapnap stared at Dream's little icon, glowing up every so often at his breathing.</p><p>"Sapnap.. Has it got something to do with me and George?"</p><p>Sapnap stayed silent, not wanting to breakdown on call.</p><p>"It is isn't it? Why?"</p><p>"I-.. It's-..."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>The water was spilling over the glass. Sapnap's feelings were threatening to spill out. He couldn't hold it back anymore.</p><p>"Dream.. I've had these feelings for a few months now. These feelings have been so good yet so bad for me. Its just caused more suffering for me, knowing that you probably don't feel the same way."</p><p>"Sapnap.. I don't understand"</p><p>"Why do you think I get all frustrated and angry and upset whenever you and George are together on stream?"</p><p>"If its because we've left you out of the conver-"</p><p>"No, its not that! All the flirting upsets me, makes me jealous... I wanna do that stuff with you, not have you and George do it."</p><p>"Sapnap, what do you mean?"</p><p>"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU DREAM!"</p><p>The call went silent.</p><p>"You.. You love me?"</p><p>"Yeah but it doesn't matter, i know you don't feel the same way."</p><p>"Sapna-"</p><p>"It's as the French say, <strong><em>l<strong>a douleur</strong> exquise</em></strong>"</p><p>Sapnap ended the call.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Continuation of the first chapter. Kinda a short chapter, but i wanted to end the story a little more happier.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>It had been a week since Sapnap had talked to anyone, mostly he hadn't talked to Dream. He felt like he fucked himself in their last call. Sapnap still kept some contact with Karl, letting him be his messenger to his other friends. The heat he was experiencing earlier that week still hadn't left, in fact somedays it seemed to get worse. At least his air conditioner was working again.<br/>
<br/>
Through out the week, Sapnap laid on his bed. Sweating and too bothered to get up to do anything. He heard a ping come from his phone, a message from Karl.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Hey Sapnap</em><br/>
<em>Just seeing if you're okay</em><br/>
<em>Dream is beginning to nag me more now</em><br/>
<em>You should probably talk to him soon</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>I'm doing fine</em><br/>
<em>And im not talking to Dream anytime soon</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>Please Sapnap</em><br/>
<em>Please talk to him</em><br/>
<em>He's getting kinda pissed at everyone now</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>Just tell him im busy</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>Fine</em><br/>
<em>Talk soon</em><br/>
<br/>
Sapnap laid his phone on his stomach. He let a loud and much needed sigh fall from his lips. He didn't need Karl to tell him how Dream was going, he could tell from his streams and messages. Sapnap didn't feel up to talking to Dream for a while. He didn't want to face whatever Dream would throw at him. Sapnap was simply just scared.<br/>
<br/>
His phone let off a series of pings. Sapnap didn't have to check who it was, he knew it was Dream again. He turned on his phone to look at the notifications without opening the messages. These new messages from Dream seemed different. They didn't portray that anger they had before. Instead they seemed more filled with worry and sadness. Dream was beginning to beg and plead.<br/>
<br/>
Sapnap felt his eyes begin to tear up. By distancing himself from Dream, he not only caused pain to himself but also hurted Dream in the process. Sapnap felt a tug of want, he wanted to talk to Dream.<br/>
<br/>
<em>'Should I?...'</em><br/>
<br/>
Sapnap's finger hovered over the notification.<br/>
<br/>
<em>'Fuck it'</em><br/>
<br/>
Sapnap finally gave in to the urges of talking to Dream. He typed out a message.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Hey Dream</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>YOU FINALLY DECIDE TO RESPOND</em><br/>
<br/>
There's that hostility Sapnap was used to previously.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Look sorry i haven't been messaging back</em></p><p><em>I decided that i needed a break for a bit</em><br/>
<em>I'm sorry that i've hurt you</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>HURT ME?! YOU HAD ME TERRIFIED AND WORRIED</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>LOOK IM SORRY</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>Im gonna call you</em><br/>
<br/>
Sapnap didn't have time to respond when Dream called him. Sapnap pressed the answer button, hesitantly speaking.<br/>
<br/>
"..Hi Dream"<br/>
<br/>
"Hey"</p><p>"Why did you leave so suddenly after our call Sapnap?"<br/>
<br/>
"I was scared, I didn't want to talk to anyone after our last call"<br/>
<br/>
"Sapnap, you should've let me continued during that call"<br/>
<br/>
"No, I know what your answer would've been"<br/>
<br/>
"No Sapnap, you don't"<br/>
<br/>
"Dream I gotta go"<br/>
<br/>
"Sapnap wai-"<br/>
<br/>
Sapnap ended their called. He went to lay back down on his bed, he didn't even remember standing up beforehand. His phone recieved numerous messages again from Dream.<br/>
<br/>
<em>'I shouldn't feel scared of Dream.. He's my best friend' </em>Sapnap thought while he laid there in sorrow.<br/>
<br/>
He contemplated about calling Dream again, or maybe another person. He knew he wasn't ready to face his audience in a stream. Speaking of streams, a twitch notification came up for a Dream stream. Sapnap decided to watch it. He continued to watch, seeing his friends happily play together on the SMP. He could hear in Dream's voice some dejection, masked up with happiness. He hurt Dream again, except this time he could hear the raw emotions.<br/>
<br/>
<em>'I really fucked up' </em>he groaned<br/>
<br/>
The stream was nearing the end, it was fairly late at his place so he knew it would be late at Dream's too. Dream said his goodbyes, the chat noticing that Dream seemed quite upset. Sapnap felt guilty for causing those feeling in Dream. He knew he should just toughen up and listen to what Dream has to say.<br/>
<br/>
Sapnap recieved another message from Dream, whose stream was still going, letting people say their goodbyes.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Sapnap</em><br/>
<em>Because you won't let me say it in a call im just gonna have to say it in a text</em><br/>
<em>Sapnap, i know how you are feeling</em><br/>
<em>I know you're scared</em></p><p><em>I know you're worried</em><br/>
<em>I also know that those feelings you have for me are still there</em><br/>
<em>And you know, i feel the same way for you</em><br/>
<em>But you kept hanging up before i could say that i love you too</em><br/>
<br/>
Sapnap couldn't believe it. Was it true? Did Dream really feel the same way? Sapnap's hands shivered slightly as they hovered over the screen.<br/>
<br/>
<em>This isn't you taking pity right?</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>No isn't sappy, i do love you</em><br/>
<em>A lot</em><br/>
<em>I just didn't think you felt the same way either, so i ignored it</em><br/>
<br/>
<em>I'm calling you Dream</em><br/>
<br/>
Sapnap gave Dream a call, who answered immediately.<br/>
<br/>
"Dream, you really love me?"<br/>
<br/>
"Yeah I do"<br/>
<br/>
The both of them went silent, Sapnap still slightly shocked that his feelings for Dream were mutual on the other end.<br/>
<br/>
"Sapnap? You still there?"<br/>
<br/>
"Uh yeah, yeah.. I am"<br/>
<br/>
"Are you okay?"<br/>
<br/>
"Mmhm"<br/>
<br/>
"..."<br/>
<br/>
"I love you Dream.."<br/>
<br/>
"I love you too Sappy"</p><p>For the first time, Sapnap stayed in the call with Dream. The two exchanging heart-felt confessions of love to each other. Sapnap finally felt happy again.</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
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